Welcome traveler to Wonkoworld, a semi-stable pocket dimension assembled from WordPress plugins that may or may not have achieved consciousness, woodworking projects that ignore Euclidean geometry, leather straps stitched during questionable moments at Wonko’s Hole, and the ongoing gravitational pull of Twink and the Bear, the band I somehow remain a member of despite our drummer’s lifelong dream of kicking me out while still insisting rehearsals stay in my basement.

Around here the keyboard player worships ska with near-religious fervor but absolutely not third-wave ska (the line is policed with the intensity of a cosmic border guard), while our Singaporean guitarist continues a solo that began sometime around the Late Cretaceous and will probably end only when the last star fizzles out or he gets thirsty.

Wonkoworld thrives on this kind of energy: tools vanish into alternate timelines, wood shavings accumulate in fractal patterns, leather scraps gain opinions, and code mutters in the corners. Whenever the fabric of reality gets too tight I retreat into World of Warcraft, where at least the NPCs pretend to respect my contribution to society, or drift through No Man’s Sky gathering resources, cosmic dust, and existential clarity from aliens who seem oddly invested in my crafting habits.

Wonko’s Hole functions as the region’s nightlife, a cavernous bar where drinks glow faintly, stories escalate rapidly, and ideas emerge fully formed before anyone remembers who said them; many aspects of Wonkoworld were conceived there, often mid-sip, occasionally mid-anxiety.